Rewatching John Carpenter's 'Vampires'
While the movie is still totally watchable, there are aspects that haven't aged well at all.
I saw Vampires by John Carpenter whenever it came out on video. My brother got it in a batch of one of those scams where you buy a dozen videos for a penny and then a dozen more for $20 a pop. It wasn’t the greatest financial decision, but it kept us flush with new movies. Vampires is one of those movies that has a strong beginning, good acting, and a plot that just kind of plows ahead despite some obvious plot holes. However, there are some disturbing parts to it, but maybe not the kind you’re thinking.
The movie — starring James Woods, Daniel Baldwin, and Sheryl Lee — follows a group of vampire hunters funded by the Catholic church who seek out and kill bloodsuckers. It opens during one such endeavor in New Mexico. The hunters raid a house almost like a SWAT team and methodically find and stake vampire underlings. During that mission, though, the team leader and church’s master slayer Jack Crow (Woods) is disappointed that they didn’t find a “master.”
Later that night, a master named “Valek” shows up at their hotel room filled with booze, drugs, and hookers and kills everyone. To make matters worse, the master knew “Jack Crow” by name, suggesting a betrayal somewhere. Crow escapes because “you can’t kill a master at night” along with his second-in-command Tony Montoya (Baldwin) and a hooker named Katrina (Lee). The next day, they also pick up a replacement priest and spend the rest of the film trying to solve the mystery of how the master found them.
The movie was released in 1998 and went to video a few months later. Back then, it was a totally fun and watchable movie. The opening scenes are awesome. The methodical “by the book” nature of the hunt is great. What’s cool about it is that their stake connects to a cable attached to a winch that pulls the vampires outside and into the sunlight where they burn to death. The hotel massacre is brutal — you see Mark Boone, Jr. before he’s famous get ripped in half. Plus, I always found Woods fun to watch (perhaps it’s because the first role I recognized him in was Lester the Pimp in Casino). Sure, he’s a little unbelievable as a tough guy but I still enjoyed watching him in Vampires.
Vampires surfaced on Netflix a couple of years ago, so I gave it a rewatch and on the surface, the movie holds up. The characters unraveling the mystery of the sacred cross is a lot of fun. I love the Western setting, too. However, once you start examining the relationships between the characters and the minutia that grounds them, the plot holes start to take shape and it gets a little uncomfortable.
Today, audiences seem accustomed to a certain level of realism. For instance, Marvel movies insert scientific theories and jargon and action films tend to use real-world tactics like in John Wick. With that concept in mind, the elite vampire hunters in Vampires are kind of a joke. Everyone’s equipped with random gear and given tasks with little to no training. Now, are there actual tactics for hunting vampires? No, because vampires don’t exist. But consistency — things like neck guards and vests, and maybe tactical movements like walking in straight lines and pivoting — would go a long way. It would’ve made the well-trained and well-funded team look more professional.
What else. Boone, before he’s ripped in half, has the one line that derails the entire plot. While partying in the hotel room and explaining to his new hooker friends that he and his colleagues are vampire hunters and reveal that “God exists” and Boone adds “We just don’t get him.” The line is significant because throughout the film, you learn that the master vampire was once a priest, but the Catholic church banished him and then exorcised or crucified him or whatever, but they never finished the ceremony, so he became a vampire. The plot twist, though, is that the priest who helps him does it because he fears death. It’s ridiculous logic. We know god exists because god created vampires, so vampires validate my religion, but I don’t trust what I believe so I’ll become a vampire.
My biggest issue with the movie, though, is how Katrina the hooker is treated. In the film, she’s bitten by a vampire, so she will eventually turn into one, meaning her conscious self will die. While the vampire hunters opt to keep her because of the psychic link to the master, they treat her like shit. They have zero sympathy for her and to make matters worse, they hit her and shove her like she’s on a death march when she becomes inconvenient, ie exhausted from her fatal wound and realizing she’s going to die and become a monster.
In one scene, she climbs out of a window to jump off a ledge and kill herself rather than succumb to her fate, but Montoya grabs her and pulls her back. In doing so, he cuts his arm and at the sight of blood, Katrina spontaneously bites him, which puts him on the same path as her. In response, he punches her and knocks her unconscious, which fair enough. But when asked, Montoya lies to Crow and tells him he was just mad at her after cutting his arm and that’s something that they both accept.
I know. I know. I’m lingering on a single scene of violence in an action movie. But I do remember being bothered by it when I was a teenager and it’s even more bothersome now as a 40-year-old man. I think the reason is that it’s such an unnecessary gesture. There’s no reason for the characters to treat Katrina so poorly. It doesn’t make sense for the arc of the subplot where Montoya falls in love with Katrina (after like two days with each other). And there are no scenes that further develop the characters or their relationship.
Conversely, maybe it was all intentional. Maybe the vampire-hunting team consisted of desperate alcoholics answering a vague help-wanted ad. Maybe they were wrong about their beliefs and the mythology of the origins of vampires (it is referred to as a “disease” in the film). And maybe the mistreatment of Katrina is par for the course because everyone is a bad person in the film. Or maybe it is just lazy writing.
On the rewatch, I still found Vampires to be totally watchable. It’s a plot-heavy film with some flaws, but a fun movie as long as you just accept it for what it is.